Final Project-3 Family Changes

1. Dinner at a designated time

The first change I would like to make with my family is to have dinner at a designated time and have everyone present. I feel when we have dinner together we have actual conversations with one another rather than just on the phone or one on one. This is difficult in a large family as everyone is always busy at different times, but making time is important and can bring a family closer by having that time to talk and visit with one another. "Repetition of actions and words carries great meaning, eventually developing into ongoing family rituals." (Chapter 5, Page 116). In this designated time I feel it is important to not have cell phones or electronics at the table. It takes away from the communication when other's are talking on the phone or texting friends. As Seth Morgan stated "Not only is eating together a great way to stay connected to your family, but it is a great way to keep the house clean and neat." (http://www.students.ipfw.edu/~morgsb01/FamilyWebsite.html)

Also in Unit 2, under "Rules", Michael Knitter talked about his Sunday lunches with his family and how they were a great event. I feel as though this is another great idea and maybe more feasible in a large family rather than a weekly dinner. I enjoyed how Abby Shull mentioned in her web post how communication brings family closer.(http://familycommshull. blogspot.com/ 2008/12/final-project-three-changes.html).

2. Calendar/Information board

Next I would like to see that my family is staying in contact and knowing everyone's activities for the day. I liked Natalie Graves' idea on e-mailing each other to stay in contact.(http://www.student.ipfw.edu/~gravnj01/family.html#FINAL_PROJECT). This is similar to my own idea. It is a way to stay in contact and know each other's schedule. Having a large family makes it difficult to keep up with everyone's busy schedule with school and extracurricular activities. I think if we had an information board with all the activities posted for each day on it then everyone would know the schedule for the day, week, etc. There are many new things in technology that could be used for this type of calendar. For example an MS Outlook calendar, a home calendar, and even travel calendars. A random text to remind one another would be helpful but to a certain extent, I wouldn't want this to be an extreme and nag one another.

3. Quality time

Finally, I'd really like to see quality time together as a family without having to spend money. Obviously this is hard with a big family, but its important to stay close to one another. We've always been a close family and now that everyone is growing up I would hate to lose that. I thought it was interesting how Shannon Miller explained spending time with family and building memories (http://www.student.ipfw.edu/%20~%20millsl%2008/millerpage.html#Final_Project) (http://www.student.ipfw.edu/~millsl08/millerpage.html#Family_Research_Project). Shannon asked each family member about their families traditions. This shows that haveing all family members at the certain ritual was important to each person. I would love to do the same since everyone is getting older. I want the memories to continue! It seems that people always want to go eat or to a movie to spend quality time together, but with the economy the way it is today it would be nice to stay home and spend more quality time together. There are many options we have at home to accomplish this. For example, we could cook a nice dinner and play cards or a game system or even rent a movie. Renting a movie and cooking dinner is much cheaper than going to a movie and out eat. This is difficult and expensive with a large family. Just spending quality time at home would be nice to have every once in a while. "Even though I consider my family to be close, we often get caught up in life."(http://www.freewebs.com/humbleabode/familyresearchproject.htm).

Family Home

My parents have a large, inviting home. They wanted something with enough space so everyone wouldn't "get under each other's feet" and be comfortable.

My family home is modern both in decor and furnishings but also extremly comfortable. We have a large living room that is great for family time. In addition to the upstairs their is a basement which is fully furnished and a welcome retreat when friends are over.

The bedrooms are decorated to fit each individuals personality and what is comfortable to them. (Of course paint color choices still had to be approved by my parents.) Bedrooms are private and people are taught to knock before entering. These are private domains and great places for sometimes much needed alone time.

I feel that we have flexible boundaries. We know all of our neighbors very well, however, we do lock our doors at night and have an electric fence for our dog.

Isomorphic Fit

My family home is very open, warm and inviting. Friends and other family members are always welcome. A line in the book is a perfect example of what sometimes takes place in the living room-"The family room is a place that invites occasional wrestling matches and storytelling sessions."

STRESS!

As some of you may have read on some of my previous blogs, we lost my father a couple years ago due to a tragic car accident. This was and still remains the worst and most stressful time in my life.

I remember getting the phone call just moments after I pulled out of my work parking lot. At first I was in complete shock, disbelief and devastation. 45 minutes later I finally reached my home and my mother and I had the horrible tasks of going to the school and telling my brother and sisters the horrifying news. Our lives would never be the same.

During this time we experienced every stage of family crisis.
SHOCK-complete and utter disbelief. "This can not be happening!" We did not want to accept what was happening.

RECOIL-We said "It's not fair!" We would have done Anything to have our father back. "It wasn't his fault." (Which actually was a true statement-another driver ran a stop sign with no headlights on and did not even attempt to slow down). Even though we knew we shouldn't be; we questioned God. "Why?" "Why him?" "Life's not fair." We also were very angry.

DEPRESSION-Our anger slowly turned into depression. All of us, whether we wanted to admit it at or not, were suffering from depression. My oldest brother Ryan was hit especially hard.
Ryan turned 16 the day after we laid my dad to rest.

REORGANIZATION-In an attempt to help us put our lives back together, my mom took my siblings to Erin's House. This is a place for grieving children and their families to talk with other people in similar situations and let out their emotions. We are extremely thankful to have had Erin's House in our lives. We were also surrounded by a great support system in our family and friends.

Due to the fact that my mom was now a single parent we needed to re-evaluate our lives and how we were going to go on as a family. By using part of the Level II coping strategy in conjunction to a support group we were able to modify our rules and make changes to our daily lives.

Our tragedy was definitely a Horizontal Stressor. The untimely death of a parent or loved one disrupts the life cycle.

Family member anaylsis

Family Research Project

This has been a difficult week for my family. We had an unexpected family emergency that made me change the direction of my project completely. I decided to instead of posting the interviews, I would take a more in depth look at my imediate family.

Cohesion is the emotional bonding that family members experience with each other and include concepts of "emotional bonding, boundaries, coalitions, time, space, decision-making, interests and reactions. My family is extremely close knit, especially since the death of my father (2 years ago Monday). With the recent passing of another loved one we were reminded yet again how precious life is and to treasure the moments we have with that person. Take advantage of every opportunity to tell them that you love them, and spend time with them. During times of despair it is impairative to have someone to lean on, talk to and express your emotions to-no matter what they might be.

In the book it states that many families restrict feelings. My family has thankfully always been open to talk about anything. This was extremely important when my dad was killed in a car accident by a negligent driver and again this past week. My mom was great to let us express our emotions no matter what we were feeling. With seven children each expressing different emotions: anger, sadness, rage; we were able to feel comfortable sharing our feelings instead of feeling denied. Also during these terrible times we visited the "How can I talk about it?" And "Who can I talk to about it" questions. We all leaned on each other and really put our family structure to the test. Through it all this has made my family closer. We also experienced a stronger sense of bonding.

My family is connected. There is equalitarian leadership and stable roles and rules. Rules have staying power. They are maintained or changed through negative or positive growth.

As the oldest of seven children I try to be a positive influence on my younger siblings. In my family all five relational maintenance practices are in place. This is something I didn't realize until reading the text. POSITIVITY: I try to maintain a positive attitude. OPENNESS: My mother and I are both open minded. ASSURANCES: I tell my siblings that I love them on a regular basis. I think this is very important in re-instating postive self-esteem and the feeling worth. SOCIAL NETWORKS: I love going to extra-cirricular activities that my siblings are involved in to show my support. You know you will always have a fan in the crowd. SHARING TASKS: All of us "pull our weight" and do our "fair share."

Birthdays and holidays, especially Christmas are very important to my family. For birthdays we always have dinner, cake and icecream-(and of course presents) at my grandmothers house. Every Christmas Eve we go to my Great-Aunt's home with my mom's extended family for a big holiday celebration and enjoy everyone being together.

The Murray's are an open family. We are encouraged to pursue our own goals and interests but the family is always there to be supportive of our decisions.

Family Types

Fitzpatrick’s Couple Types
I am single with no children, so I will be taking a look at my immediate family throughout the class. The Linc and Jaine Murray family are a combination of traditional and independent. With seven children you have to be able to adapt and accept change. Roll with the punches per se. On the other hand, with a large household you have to have a routine and be organized. My mom is the most organized women I know. I don't know what any of us would do without her!

Gottman’s Conflict Types
The Murray's are validators. We respect each other's views but with some many people and different personalities you are bound to have disagreements.

Kantor and Lehr’s Family Types
The Murray's are also an open family. We are encouraged to pursue our own goals and interests but the family is always there to be supportive of our decisions.

Family Functions

My family is very supportive and nurturing. I come from a large family and because of that I am fortunate enough to always have someone to talk to and be there to listen. We are a close knit bunch and after losing my father in a car accident in late 2006 we have become even closer.

My parents are great nurturers. My mom always makes sure everyone gets to the right place and On Time! Dad was always right there too. Not only did he help with homework but was always right there cheering in the stands at a sporting event or driving countless miles to take me to another pageant-without even complaining! What a great guy!

After I began school, both of my parents worked outside of the home and we have always been provided with the basic resources.

My parents also strived not impose individual development in everyone. Not everyone is going to play sports or be able to sing (I sure wish I could!). However, they were supportive and encouraging of our individual personalities.